Reflections from my first meditation

I just finished sitting for 15 minutes as part of the 28 day challenge.  My first meditation practice was only a few weeks ago, and I had little understanding of what I was doing. Last night I read the first few chapters of Sharon’s book (Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation) which filled in many of the pieces I was missing from the purpose and practice of meditation.  I have started trying to take a few moments at the start of each class I teach and focus on my breath, however I always thought I was supposed to focus on the words “in” and “out”, not on the feeling of the breath.  Reading and listening to Sharon’s book was eye-opening and I was eager to practice feeling the breath, not hearing more words in my head!

I felt like Sharon was talking directly to me about the stress, anxiety and self-doubt I feel as a teacher at a new school in a new city.  Learning that this was common and that meditation can help quell these voices made me much more motivated for my first practice this morning.

While sitting this morning, I struggled to let go of the thoughts running through my mind, but Sharon’s reminders to focus on my breath helped.  However, instead of feeling like I was gently noticing and letting go of my thoughts, I felt more like I was wrestling with myself to throw them away–a much more violent image than clouds passing by!  Every once in a while I would have a moment where I could just feel my breath. I am hoping with continued practice, this will become more prevalent.

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One response to “Reflections from my first meditation

  1. I think it’s safe to say we all experience what you describe as wrestling with our thoughts (if not full-on combat). I think Sharon’s point is that the first step is not judging ourselves for getting caught up in the wrestling match. When we realize that we’re writhing or pinned on the matt we just try to surrender that match and start again. Easier said than done, but that’s what practice is for!

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