Starting Over

Since the 2013 meditation challenge my life has completely changed in almost every way. Some of it was planned and some of it not. It’s interesting to have this challenge as a marker for that reflection. It has been hard to keep up with my meditation practice as I have navigated through all the transitions. At times it feels easier to busy myself completely than to allow the space to notice and accept what is happening.

When I thought about joining the challenge this year it was not a quick “yes!” like it was last year. I hesitated and I was nervous that maybe I had lost my “home base” by neglecting my meditation for so long. What if I sat down and I had nowhere to go? But I have been avoiding that fear for so long that I thought these next 28 days would be a good opportunity to investigate.

I postponed my sit yesterday until late afternoon but finally mustered up the courage to face what had been causing me so much anxiety. I set my timer for 20 minutes, got settled in my space, and closed my eyes. I kept thinking (!) about Sharon’s concept of starting over. Each time my mind wandered was an opportunity for me to start over. Back to the breath, over and over again.  Soon, I entered back into a familiar space. I was amazed to discover was that I had not lost my “home base” and that, in fact, it must have been what carried me through the highs and lows of this past year. Even though I didn’t call upon it directly during those times, as I do when I meditate, it was still there. And really, that is a big reason why I meditate and practice yoga. So that when I think I am at the complete end of the rope, I have something already inside of me to reel me back in. Starting over, again and again.

-LP

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