Last year, when I did the meditation challenge I investigated every aspect of my experience. I explored how my body felt, where my thoughts went, how I treated my friends and strangers, and how it influenced my yoga practice. During February 2013 I got into graduate school, met an anatomy genius who helped me truly breathe in my body, and I quietly realized what was going to be the end of a long relationship. My meditation practice was my rock. It blew my mind.
February 2014… not much happened. Things have continued on as usual, just plugging away until spring arrives. This year, meditation has not been my rock. In fact, I’ve been feeling pretty removed from my experience. Some days I forgot about it. I find myself constantly searching for that desire to practice but it’s not coming so easy. The experience isn’t new and fresh like it was last year. This year it’s a little more real and dare I say it.. boring. Now, it’s about integrating this practice into my life. Finding the areas that need more attention, more love, less analysis, less judgment. Finding the motivation to sit when I don’t have a desperate need to call to the Divine whether for help or with thanks. These things have not been easy for me.
How do we sustain a practice once it becomes a part of our life and not just a shiny new experience? I don’t want it to become robotic, like brushing or flossing, but I also don’t want to forget about it for 6 months until I really need it, like a haircut. I wish I could sign off this blogging experience with a profound answer to my question but I really don’t know. However, I consider the fact that I am asking myself this as proof that this year’s meditation challenge IS profound for me, even if it feels so different from the outward joy of last year.
So to end, here’s a little quote that’s been big on my mind recently:
There are years that ask questions and years that answer – Zora Neale Hurston
Thanks for reading along with me, wishing all of you luck in this final stretch!