In the gathering-in of things

It’s been hit or miss this week. Mais ou menos, more or less. When I think about my practice, I often go straight for the book-learning. I’m so good at it. With my academic bent and inclination for structure—and my highly undisciplined, occasional bouts of discipline—I can spend an entire day considering all the ways I might benefit… If only I did as I studied.

This being my third year participating in Sharon Salzberg’s Meditation Challenge, I’ve come to see this month of blogging as a space for bringing together the many strands of my practice, for giving myself the benefit of the doubt, for getting deeper into what I seek to get into, deeply.

I’m putting the books aside this time around, though. Limiting my obsessive allowance of iPhone live-time (more on this next week). Trying—can’t stress the ‘trying’ part of trying—to be, to simply be, absent all the adjuncts of expectation, aspiration, guilt, judgment, attachment and so on.

At one of his workshops, Krishna Das said, ‘You cannot think your way out of a prison made up of thought.’ So true. But I keep trying, and keep failing. I’m a dedicated dead-end apologist, no doubt. Still, I see the benefits of practice in practice—when I’m open to the challenge, and my heart beats through constant change.

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