The concept of common human tendencies being obstacles to achieving happiness resonated with me. Practicing meditation has been a journey in understanding my human tendency toward anxiety. Through my graduate studies, I’ve learned how Traditional Chinese Medicine looks at how anxiety manifests in our bodies. Do we over eat, or lose our appetite? Are we prone to running around chaotically, or do we crawl into bed to hide? Acknowledging our patterns gives us valuable information. This week I’ve realized that “doubt” is at the center of my anxiety.
Options overwhelm me. From simple things like hating ordering off a menu, to more complex situations like transitioning from College Graduate to “real person.” I’m often plagued with feelings that I’m making the wrong decision or that I’m not enough. I regularly feel I won’t be able to complete the tasks at hand.
This week I sat with that doubt. It wasn’t easy because often my mind went to times I did “fail.” I stayed there though and examined those tough situations, many of which were years ago. This is a practice that will take me more than a week. It may take me years. But I’m ready. I’m finding that I want to sit for my meditations because it feels like chipping away years of cloudiness. This week more than ever, I know meditation will be a lifetime practice I keep.